


The Downfall of Mari-Zu

by Kithera



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: Jedi Apprentice Series - Jude Watson & Dave Wolverton, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, Comedy, Gen, Gray Jedi, Jedi, Mary Sue, Master & Padawan Relationship(s), Mentioned Mace Windu, Mentioned Yoda (Star Wars), References to the Jedi Council (Star Wars), Satire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:01:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26493070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kithera/pseuds/Kithera
Summary: Mari-Zu is the most perfect Jedi in the Galaxy...or is she.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	The Downfall of Mari-Zu

The girl stood in the middle of the council room, the afternoon sun setting warm golden tones through her thigh long red hair. The ever-present breeze that whispered through the council chambers stirred her heavenly curls so that they caressed her face and outlined her slim, supple body. Her green eyes, framed by gloriously long dark lashes, blinked calmly as she stared patiently into the pink and golden gloom waiting for the council to speak.

Master Yoda shifted slightly in the chair, but it was the Jedi in the centre of the floor who spoke first.

"My Masters," she said melodiously, bowing very low, "I come before you only after saving the Jedi Order from my ex-boyfriend and slaying the Zulan monster before he could devour an innocent boy. I've defeated the last remnants of an ancient evil, and established relations between the two planets of Tu and Bu after years of conflict. I only managed to do this after the horrible death of my Master and my short descent into the Dark Side. I'm afraid that only your eternal gratitude and my immediate elevation from Padawan to Council Member could ever make up for it."

There was a pregnant pause as the council members stared at her. The girl could only imagine that they did so out of envy.

"Yes, about that," Mace Windu said clearing his throat as he did so. "We have several problems with your performance."

"Problems?" the girl's voice echoed, still so beautiful in its intonation that one could only imagine the sweet singing voice she obviously possessed. The frown on each council member's face deepened slightly.

"For starters," Mace continued, "your ex-boyfriend wasn't going to blow the Temple up."

"He wasn't?" the girl answered incredulously. "But he had the pliers, wires and timer and he was fiddling with the Temple power grid."

"He was an technician," Adi Gallia intoned from the other side of the room. "He was fixing a blown grid panel. And another thing, that Zulan monster was the king's pet. That boy you saved it from was the king's son. Who, I might add, was very upset when you cut his pet's head off in the middle of playing chase."

"The king is demanding retribution," Plo Koon added. "As are the leaders of Bu and Tu."

"But I made friends there," the girl squealed, her peaches and cream complexion turning raspberry.

"The warring sides of Bu and Tu have only become friends due to their overwhelming dislike of you," Mace said, taking up the conversation again. "They have sent ambassadors demanding that we give them trade subsidies as a concession for having to put up with you. Your Master was merely suffering the rodiesian flu and although she may have asked you to kill her - we are sure that a couple days of good bed rest would have cured her."

"As for your descent into the Dark Side," Adi Gallia said, "having one bad day and a temper tantrum does not a dark Jedi make."

"And the ancient evil?" the girl asked, twisting white hands over one another.

Mace Windu flipped his data pad open and scrolled for a few seconds and scanned it.

"No," he said looking up, "you got that right."

Another pause filled the room with its foreboding silence. The girl was looking a lot less calm now, her tunic was beginning to rumple and crease and her skin had a white look to it. Again Master Yoda shuffled in his chair and the young girl turned her large green eyes beseechingly towards him.

"Never go unpunished, crimes do." Master Yoda beamed. "Sentenced you are, to never be mentioned again."

"But, Master." The girl began to waver, "Think of my talents! You know, my special grasp of the force and the fact that I only joined the temple at the age of eight after saving four Jedi and a nerf calf. My mastership of the hardest kata at fourteen..."

"Hhrumph." Master Yoda cut her off before she could continue. The elderly green Jedi tapped his stick against the ground. "No more shall we hear from you," the green monster quavered. "Dismissed you are, Mari-Zu."

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this back in 2003 and recently found it again. I figured that it deserves a good airing after 17 years of hiding out the back of the internet.


End file.
